syndyfrella | 13 Dead Actresses We Would Have Boned

by Screenjunkies

Halloween is almost here. It is the time of year where we honor the memory of the dead and the things they have given us by dressing up like slutty pirates and asking our neighbors to give us snacks. So we thought what better time to list the thirteen of the hottest pieces of Hollywood tail that have passed to the land beyond. God rest their immortal bods. I mean souls.

13. Cyd Charisse

The gams on this broad beat out even the likes of Heidi Klum when they were awarded the 2001 Guinness Book of World Records award for "Most Valuable Legs". Famous for being Gene Kelly's boner-bait dance partner in the final scene of Singin' in the Rain (Remember? The one that made you turn to your friend at the end of film class back in 2004 and say "Dude, am I shrooming?"), Charisse passed away early in the summer of 2008.

12. Judy Garland

Though she may be responsible for spawning one of the most infamously creepy pop-culture icons in history, Judy Garland is somewhat of a legend in our books as well. She can sing, she's got the face of an angel, she was known for rocking serious bling and most importantly: bitch could party. Even putting up with her lap dog would be worth it for the chance to get some alone time with the original Dorothy in her heyday.

11. Bette Davis

You've more likely chugged Jagermeister off an ice luge to a song about a girl with eyes like hers than actually taken the time to get a load of the elegant Bette Davis. It's fine, we get it: She freaked us out in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane too. The takeaway there is that she can commit, thus making her what us thugs affectionately refer to as a ride-or-die bitch. Who doesn't want to get down with that?

10. Anna Nicole Smith

It seems like only yesterday that we heard the news of the passing of our favorite chicken-serving stripper turned American Princess. Although she was known later in life for her trashtastic reality TV exploits and alleged pill-popping (Trim Spa, of course!), Smith was known early in her career for being one of the most smoldering jeans models since Brooke Shields and her Calvins. Yeah, we'd get it on with Anna... even if we spent the whole time trying to think about anything but J. Howard Marshall. Please God, help us think of anything but J. Howard Marshall right now.

9. Lindsay Lohan

If the sensational Ann Margaret wasn't still alive and kickin' we'd have to give her props, but since she's still here with us, we'll have to throw a bone to everyone's #2, Lindsay Lohan. Lohan, who spent her final months camped out in a trailer parked alone Malibu's shore with celebrity DJ Samantha Ronso-- Oh, wait. What? She's... she's not dead? Well, if she's not dead, then where has she been? I haven't seen her come out with a movie or a rap album or a fragrance since at least 2006. You swear to God she's not dead? Fine.

8. Lana Turner
7. Aaliyah
6. Katherine Hepburn

If things ever got serious between you and Katherine Hepburn, she'd insist on wearing the (literal) pants, but she's just the kind of lady we'd surrender control to. Smart, powerful and gorgeous, Katherine was named by the AFI as the most greatest female star in the history of American cinema. Her resume alone would embarrass your boner. In terms of grade-A foxes, the package doesn't get more complete than Katie.

5. Mae West
4. Katie Holmes

Never mind. We have just been informed that being dead inside doesn't count.

3. Grace Kelly

It's hard to believe that Kelly, who was both real-live royalty and cool enough to hang with Hitchcock doesn't top our list, but she sure comes close. Playing leading lady for the likes of Jimmy Stewart and Marlon Brando on screen in some of the greatest films of all time, Kelly grabbed the eye of Prince Rainier III of Monoco at the Cannes Film Festival in 1955 and married him within a year. Pro: Though less dangerously exciting than most on the list, she's the kind of girl you could take home to mom. Con: You're mom doesn't live in a castle. Maybe there's a children's birthday party in your housing development that has one of the bouncy versions, but that's really a stretch compared to your competition. Additional pro: your competition is also dead. FINAL SCORE: YOU, FTW.

2. Audrey Hepburn

Listen up Natalie Portman fans: here's your real imaginary girlfriend. Audrey Hepburn was the orignal doe-eyed and slightly elfin lookin' silverscreen starlet, except she didn't put you through the torture of dating questionably talented hairy dudes who are undeniably not on her level of babitude (We're looking at you, Banhart.) The point is that men and women alike are still drawn to Hepburn, who was most famous for her role as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yeah, sure. Tiffanys, International House of Pancakes, that other place where they serve Moons Over My Hammy - as long as we're buying her breakfast, right guys!? (Get it? Because we slept with her?!? Rim shot!)

1. Marilyn Monroe

The iconiest of all icons, Marilyn Monroe, has to top our list of shag-worthy dead babes if not just for her looks, but because we wouldn't mind being counted on a list of other men she bedded, which includes JFK and baseball great Joe DiMaggio. Fact is, Marilyn is first class all the way. Top shelf, if you will. She's the Dom Perignon of dead actresses worth taking to bed, that's for sure.